I am E. Honda of Street Fighter II Turbo. I always seem to be fighting with handicap +5, never starting on even ground, always in the hole. I am consistently beaten by measly Dhalsim and burly Zangeifs, my hundered-hand slap and flying headbutt unable to get me out of my starting hole. I need to find a battle on my home turf, the Japanese Bathhouse, and I need to find one where I can defeat suave Ken and imposing Balrog with my sumo moves. I will find this battle, I will fight it, and I will win it. So I continue to search for a stage where a towel-wearing sumo can get a fair fight.

posted by paul @ 5:40 PM

i want you to kill me if i blog when i'm 25. you can all get together and do it, it could be fun, be creative, just put me in the ground. approval is rubbish. ruston has shown itself to be a townful of backpatters, skipping toward ignorance and thrilled to death about it. cynicism always pisses me off, so i'm gonna leave out my impressions of common ground. don't worry, it's all groovy, i promise.

posted by paul @ 10:36 PM

my roomate talks in his sleep. it's funny, but it's hard to resist mooning him, a life without consequences for one day would be unbearable. i wonder what we would tell people if we could be someone else. there's things you should know, but you can't hear them from me, so it always seems to get me in a fix. have you seen me lately? it doesn't get more horribly sarcasticly hopeless than this tune. the world is bigger than cott 203, ss? will not scratch the surface of rock history, i will not change the world. i just want to change one person's landscape, to be who someone has waited for, to be called at my bluff and have to walk away with every chip of my life in the stacks of someone else. i guess that's part of why my gastank is empty and i'm up working on this engineering group project. come to ruston thursday the 26th, i'll make it worth your time, i promise.

posted by paul @ 1:49 AM

why does this always happen?
what do i have to do?
insert lyrics to "shiver" here, and call me if you have any ideas.

posted by paul @ 12:19 PM

why can't i be like any other guy and keep my feelings to my damn self? i gotta know exactly where everything is and you have to know exactly what i think about it all. i'm losing it, i hate subterfuge, i wish this blog was a telephone. i hate to be misunderstood, it's all i've been lately, and my redeption is parked outside for the rest of the night. i need one of kg's boxes of the good stuff, life has been good, life is good, things will work out, but it's so hard to see at two in the a m on a gutterwashed thursday morning. someday, i'll look back and think of what an ass i was, and i won't feel so bad, because i know i am, and knowing is half the battle. daddy, where's the moon? nick drake says the pink moon is on it's way, and i can't wait, and i'm completely unprepared. i can't wait.

posted by paul @ 12:52 AM

this quarter should be over already. i'm about up for a change in scenery. i live emotionally by the hour, but practically by the week, and the two don't go together, just ask my telephone and research paper. why do i put so much stock in people? i have no claim on anything you do, so why should anything you do dictate which way my day goes? it shouldn't. it does. the worst part of it - i can't blame anyone but myself because i said what i just said, how fabulous, i feel like a basketful of expired coupons and i can only place the blame on top of my pathetic stack. it's raining somewhere, programming flowers, keeping snails happy, soggying a a life already in the slide. i had no intention of living this way.

posted by paul @ 2:05 AM

i hate knowing that there's some people who i will never be freinds with, and not in the unreachable way, just that i could never live down some pre-relationshit they pulled. i'd really like to understand myself, i'd like to be a little more ambitious, i'd like to get my work done, i'd like to give females that i dig an impression that i other than hate them. my life is hilarious, it's the same crap over and over, just different faces, and always the same feeling when it's over. i'll always be in my element, because i apparently will never learn. i flatter myself to think that enough people read this that i have to worry about specifics. i might make a new one. this feeling in my gut will not last four years, this passive crap is killing me softly, it did in highschool and i can't let it now. i'd give anything to be oblivious, it's way worse to know how you want things to be and who you want to become and who you want to surround yourself with and have no shot at becoming it. positivity isn't worth it, and goals are for people whose parents own whips.

posted by paul @ 1:54 AM

whoa, cat. cottfest was better than it should have been. i can't say enough about how lame hardcore music is, and how lame it is that that's the only scene in the rustport area. i'm glad we played well and i'm glad i left early. i resolved to get two more songs ready for demo this week, you can hear the two we have finished here, they're ok, more coffeehouse than i would have ever expected a band of mine to be. the cactus jack's show is thurs feb 26, it should be extra-alright, but we make no gaurantees. when you worry about stuff too much, you get lots of those times when you're super relieved that you were doing just that, worrying, and you shouldn't have been, and your faith is restored in the sanity of the world and the validity of the life you lead. i had a few of those moments this week, i don't want to forget them.

posted by paul @ 2:17 AM

oh yeah, roommate bashing. this kid straight up goes through a bunch of trouble spending time with this girl whom i, naturally, despise. so, monday night he spends alot of time and effort asking her out, you know, middle school garbage, you can fill in the blanks, won't be far off. yeah, he used the answering machine. anyways, she straight up denies him. then, tonight, he explains it as "not being God's time." a phrase which she introduced, then he accepted. excuse me, pal, but if you're going to try to rationalize getting curb-jobbed by some girl who thinks staring at people who hate her is cool, perhaps you should leave God out of it, instead of just showing your arrogance in presuming upon His will. apparantly it gets him to sleep at night, he's fooled himself, if nobody else.

posted by paul @ 2:20 AM

i love this album. there is nothing left to lose. anything's better than playing dumb, and i'm waking up to that, finally. i can't get over how completely runofthemill today has been. as if everything that happened was the average of what usually happens. maybe i should try to tip the scale, improve my average. what the hell am i talking about, i'm not fooling anybody, call me in 6 months, i'll still be here.

posted by paul @ 2:16 AM

my roomate just woke up to accuse me of taking one of his posters. i'm going to kill him. what the hell would i want with your startrek shite anyways? go back to your hill and get back to reigning fire and brimstone on everyone but your pre-teen ho-train and army of plastic baptists.

posted by paul @ 2:16 AM

you know it's time to sleep when you use a word like "profundity." you know it's time to lighten up when you use it in conversation.

posted by paul @ 2:24 AM

i'm really glad this weekend is over. we accomplished everything we needed to, didn't get much more than what we had to. the folks met the guys, the guys met the folks. i'm in a band with guys who might as well be pot smokers, but my parents find it really hard to worry about anything like that with brother in asia somewhere. i hope to get the demo produced soon, production is a monster, as are research papers, so i'll hook you up with what i can when i have it. come by and burn your own copy of Striped Shortbread - The Smuggler's Cove EP. the love you take is equal to the love you make, or thereabouts.

posted by paul @ 8:39 PM