kyle's gone.
it's raining in louisiana.
i never know when to quit.
things are not as they should be.
it's like all this shit is stuck in my head, and i can't funnel it all out through my mouth at the same time, so it's gonna stay up there for a while, and the rain will still be falling. you will know me by the grey cloud i am trailing.

posted by paul @ 7:51 PM

remember everything she said, 'cause sometimes, just a memory remains.
is there a limit to how much you can care for someone? do you end up with the person you care about the most? ummmm, that's a no, by the way. i can't wait for that, a licence to always be there for someone, that's gonna be mighty nice, indeed.
it's one of the best things in the world to know what you want, we think we do, because it feels so good, we're willing to fake it for as long as we have to. we have no idea.
stuck between action and reaction, that's where you'll find me, i have absolutely no clue as to what i want to say, i don't think it's possible, and it's really pissing me off. i'm going to get back to my math homework, because practice makes perfect, and i guess it's good to keep my options open in case i decide to achieve anything some day.
tonight, after going across a wire, i let it be...naked.

posted by paul @ 8:35 PM

reading Harper's today at work, liked this column.

From a recently released letter by a sixteen-year-old Iraqi Kurd planning on running away from her home in London. Before she could get away, her father stabbed her and slit her throat. He thought she was dating a non-Muslim.

"...The time has come for us to part. I am sorry that I have caused so much pain, but after sixteen years of living with you it is evident that I should not be a part of you. i take all the blame openly - I'm not the child you wanted or expected me to be. Disappointments are born of expectations. Maybe you expected a different me and I expected a different you."

I don't ask for much, I won't ask for anything. it's just that me and donnie darko are afraid of dying alone. only people of a certain dispostion are afraid of this at age 19...and we are of that disposition. i'm gonna paint myself in blue red black grey, it's all so meaningful, i'm sure of it. she sure as hell ain't looking at me.

posted by paul @ 1:23 AM

honestly, half-way. i'm kinda tired of waiting there, all you gotta do is give a little, and i don't want to hear any bitchin' about where you are and who you aren't with, all it takes is half-way.

posted by paul @ 9:49 PM

i know everything there is to know about motorcycles. choppers, rods, street bikes, all of it. i own every episode of American Chopper, including the DVD with special features like blueprints of the shop and 3d diagrams of each bike built on the show. I have also seen all of the Jesse James specials on television. I am suscribed to 4 motorcycle magazines, am in the Jesse James fanclub, and have O.C.C and West Coast Chopper stickers all over my Yellow Chevy Avalanche. Sometime i have to watch two TVs at once, so i can catch monster garage on Discovery while keeping up with Bike Week on the travel channel. I've been looking at getting a bike for a while now, and I'm probably gonna decide on which kind in the next few months. i ain't one of those Abercrombie cookie-cut posers, i only wear O.C.C. and West coast clothing, sometimes even wearing a "born to ride" hat with my O.C.C. grease monkey shirt and west coast sweat pants. i can tell you anything you needed to know about the art of chopper construction. i have my plans to head to sturgis next year, you know, when i get my bike, i'm totally stoked about it. i just wish the network executives would program more of this motorcycle MANIA! i just can't get enough.

posted by paul @ 11:58 PM

let's try this, we'll see what kind of sense it makes, just an idea i had.
making eveyone happy is retarded. that doesn't even make sense. i can't bust my ass everyday to be who someone needs or wants me to be. you find who you need, and you become what you want others to be for you. don't change the pieces, just look for the right one, or try a totally different puzzle. everyday i see people living and dying on someone else's clock, where did we lose the ability to be who we want to be, become who we want to become, and not smoke your life through a pipe that ain't yours. "don't build your life around volcanoes, they melt you down." i don't know how many times i've tried to quit, but i need to be my motivation, you need to be your motivation, and this horrible cocktail of miscommunication, guesswork, and subterfuge can hang itself by my silent phone line. what are we living for? are we trying? lets.

posted by paul @ 12:41 AM