Sometimes I want to yell but instead I play the drums.

Drawing class is the new highlight of my life. Today, we talked about all these things that we were going to be doing throughout the quarter. Never once did the professor season his speech with even the faintest doubt that any of us would have any troubles completing the assignments. He gave me a glimpse of what I will one day be able to confidently do, and it was one of the most amazing feelings I've ever had. I'm excited. Nay, giddy.

That was a play on words because phonetically, the words "nay" and "giddy" are related in that they are vocal sounds made by either member of a horse and rider team. I hate that I have to point that out, but I just don't trust you to pick up on things like that sometimes.

I have 5 self portraits due Tuesday. My face is a joy to draw, it's so pleasing on the eyes, so well proportioned.

posted by paul @ 10:38 PM

Tonight, though there were hours between us, some cosmic force of boredom brought us together.

In earlier times, this force drove us to dangerous feats and wild adventure, but tonight we did what seems to happen more often these days. We sorted some things out and remembered the times that have passed.

One summer in the late 90's, he had the most beautifully perfect idea of this particular egg-white season of Saturdays. As he would tell it, he was killing time in his treehouse, reading one of those books that young boys read to inspire them to get out and live life while keeping them enthralled with stories of mysterious broads and jalopy rides. Somehow, in his mathematical mind, he created an equation combining mailboxes, fishing line, soda cans, and a passing car in a quiet neighborhood. The product was a stretched line across the street, suspended by opposing mailboxes. This "tripwire" eventually became a soda can towrope, as the motorists clanked down the street like newly-weds.

I swear to you, dear reader, that I have never laughed as hard as I did in the Skeeter bass boat with the garage door open, watching those poor people clamoring down the way.

"It's Raining Love"

I don't know what it is,
but I distrust myself
when I start to like a girl
a lot.

It makes me nervous.
I don't say the right things
or perhaps I start
to examine,
evaluate,
compute
what I am saying.

If I say, "Do you think it's going to rain?"
and she says, "I don't know,"
I start thinking: Does she really like me?

In other words
I get a little creepy.

A friend of mine once said,
"It's twenty times better to be friends
with someone
than it is to be in love with them."

I think he's right and besides,
it's raining somewhere, programming flowers
and keeping snails happy.
That's all taken care of.

BUT

if a girl likes me a lot
and starts getting real nervous
and suddenly begins asking me funny questions
and looks sad if I give the wrong answers
and she says things like,
"Do you think it's going to rain?"
and I say, "It beats me,"
and she says, "Oh,"
and looks a little sad
at the clear blue California sky,
I think: Thank God, it's you, baby, this time
instead of me.

 - Richard Brautigan

posted by paul @ 11:52 PM

If I could do it all again, I would have never taken the first engineering class.

posted by paul @ 3:13 PM

Posting this is difficult, and I will tell you why. My laptop keyboard is decidedly "on the fritz." The following is a sentence if I were to type it literally:

I dob't thibk that waitibg ubtil nidbight to xall ne vaxk is the vest idea,

It's wretched, but Dell is going to replace it soon so hooray and yippee.

The library down the street has a large collection of DVD's available for borrowing. Last night they loaned me Grizzly Man and a documentary on Robert Johnson. Neither of them were outstanding, but I did learn some things.

1. Be careful what you record, because eventually, you will die, and we will have no choice but to think you are out of your mind.
2. Learning to play an instrument will help get you lots of women.
3. Getting lots of women may perhaps get you poisoned.
4. When approaching an attractive individual at the local library, it is important not to rush it.

She was two aisles over, a young dark broad with an eye for quality. As my attention skipped from title to title, our eyes locked across the racks of media, if only for a second. Falsely assuming that she had established interest by this fleeting glance, she raced to my side, as a relay racer runs to his partner. Either her perfume was heavily applied or she had just ridden her bicycle here from Oklahoma. I couldn't help but be overwhelmed by the smell as she effectively pinned me at the end of an aisle, waiting for me to comment on the films she continually pulled and replaced. Without speaking a word, I replaced my selections and headed for the door. Was it her black knee-high socks? Her terrible taste in films? I can't say for certain, but I do know that she jumped the gun and I flew the coop.

posted by paul @ 11:48 PM

This house is irreversibly cold.

posted by paul @ 9:12 AM

I need a ride on the Orange Wave.

This quarter is rounding out the same way they always do, with a feeling of helplessness at the current grade situation combined with an overall apathy about the way things will turn out. I'm finding that, as long as it's only me taking the fall, I don't care if I fail. I would much rather eat breakfast for dinner with friends than worry about having to get student loans and squandering a free ride in a not-especially-fancy car.

Winter quarter is a time of great promise. New breezes have already started to shake the blinds, almost like they can't wait to put this quarter to bed and move on into a time of unbelievable opportunities and farewell tours. Champng at the bit.

posted by paul @ 12:42 AM

I am immune to urgency.

The other day I found myself wishing there were more colors.

posted by paul @ 12:41 AM

When you switch to the new version you cannot go back!

Pressure, anyone? I have plenty of things that will never go back to how they were, I'm not going to make this decision hastily. Forever is a while.

posted by paul @ 9:12 PM

I forgot how to make friends.

posted by paul @ 10:38 PM

I'm going to make my own personality test. Not now, but sometime, I'll make it.

Introvert? Extrovert? There's two kinds, there's an easy division, and these tests are a series of those divisions, a way to categorize a population longing to understand and be labeled. Let me tell you about my two kinds.

There are people in this world that get asked the same ridiculous questions by different ridiculous people. There is no positive resolution to a story about a scar on a cheek, the chances of someone ending that story on the upside are slim to none, so don't ask. She knows she stutters, he knows he's not normal, they know it every day. Tonight, we realized that not everyone deals with such a condition. We realized that some people get to exist without being pre-classified as different, without those differences being broadcast on their persons or heralded in their speech.

I don't know what this means, though. I know that those who ask are those who have never been asked. I'd like to think that we're better for it.

There are also those that don't have to work for affection. This one is still under investigation, but as far as I can tell, some people are appreciated even though they do nothing, and others are ignored because certain actions have become expected. Follow-up forthcoming.

posted by paul @ 1:02 AM